After many years of marriage, I’m divorced, in the “non-elective” single category. Although there are aspects of being single that are appealing, it wasn’t my idea, I often don’t like it and it’s been a big adjustment. Settling into this new life is especially challenging when you have constant reminders that for many people, single=loser. Since I continue to be a slow-adapter in this area, I’m probably hyper-alert to the discriminatory tendencies of the hooked-up demographic. But it’s very real and becoming tedious.

You Want to Live Alone?

Many people, including my mother, have opinions about whether I should stay in my home “all alone.” People who know me well are smart enough to not say the “d” (dating) word to me, so there’re no questions about a new relationship progressing to cohabitation. Yes, my house is too big for one person and my land is often a pain to manage, but I’m not moving any time soon. Forget about a roommate. Seriously, at my age, the only time I’m sharing my space is if I’m hospitalized.

But Ma’am, You Can Freeze Them

Grocery stores are hotbeds of single discrimination, especially in the bakery. I don’t need 15 packaged cookies. If they come home with me, I’ll eat them all, but not before they get stale. I asked the bakery staff if they would break up a package for me, I only wanted five or six. Accompanied by the “you pathetic loser” look, I got, “Ma’am, you know you can freeze those?” I said, “Yes, of course, but I still want only six cookies.” I became so determined on my mission that I later asked a manager if there was a reason they don’t put out smaller packages of certain food items. He told me they don’t have PLU numbers to ring up that quantity. So now the entire store operation is out to get me.

My Wife Likes That, Too

A single, divorced friend corroborated another phenomenon I keep encountering – men who repeatedly work “my wife” or “girlfriend” into a conversation. I thought it was just happening to me. The first time was in the wine department of a grocery. I know a lot about wine and it’s fun to discuss new labels to try and get opinions from a knowledgeable wine clerk. As we chatted about his favorite Italian reds and my fondness for Argentine wines, the clerk began to talk about what types his wife liked. I counted five times that he worked it into our convo. I’m about 100% sure I wasn’t giving off any “cruising for guys in the grocery” vibes. As a former therapist, I’m chalking it up to these guys’ “issues.”

My Own Kind

Since I’m not likely to sell my house and move to a swinging singles condo complex any time soon, I guess I will keep searching out others of my species. A few of my best gal pals are single and not looking for relationships. Maybe I should organize a frontal attack on that bakery some Saturday morning with five or six of my posse…