Here's my qualm with being human:

The feeling that I haven't done enough, and the fear that I never will.

But the thing is, I'm not talking about changing the world. I'm purely talking about self-gratification. Doing things just for the sake of doing them, because I'm human and I can. Knowing I can do so much for myself, but I don't, because for some reason I think there're obstacles blocking my path.

Sometimes I lean back and wonder exactly why those obstacles are so hard to pass, but I can't come up with adequate reasons.

A couple weeks ago, I was laying in bed, and I had the sudden realization that I am 18 fricking years old. Now, of course I'd known this before, but it really hit me that night that 18 years of my life are gone, and in another 12 I'll be 30. And I had a little freakout episode that mainly consisted of, "How am I ever gonna do everything I wanna do?"

I'm a dreamer, and I dream BIG. According to my college major I'm going to graduate as a high school English teacher, but to be honest I really can't see that happening anymore. What I thought I'd wanted at the beginning of my senior year changed a lot more than I'd ever imagined. I find myself wishing I'd taken a year off from school to go to Europe just for the hell of it, with all the money I had and no plan at all. But that's not possible for me anymore. I'm stuck.

So I understand your analyzation and appreciation of the little things. I think that's something I have to do a bit more of.

You wrote this comment a while ago, but I figure many things stay relevant to people for a long time. I often freak out about where my life is going and what I will accomplish, but I always tell myself it doesn't matter. From what you've written I can tell we're very different people, but maybe I can say something helpful.

Big things like a career and travel are hard for me. They're the things that give me a vague sense of worry. I get away from them as quickly as possible. The best thing I can do is pay lots of attention to the little things. There are tons of little things so you can take in as many as you can/want. You can only handle so many big things at once. I'll relate it to grocery shopping. When I carry in grocery bags I take as many light bags as I can fit on my arms then I don't have to make too many trips. If I try to take the heavy bags I can carry about two. I'm not sure if any of this will make a difference to you because thinking is a very personal thing and I find it nearly impossible to change the way I go about my business. I'm only saying this so you understand I'm not trying to talk down to you, or tell you how to live your life. I merely want to show you how I live mine. Is that a pretentious thing to say? These are my worries. Giving the wrong impression to someone. I'm going to talk about fruit again.

I came to the conclusion today that it is quite an improbable task to eat a peach without making a sound. The sound is like that fear I was talking about with big things. The sound doesn't have to have a great deal of slurping and sucking. I prefer most things to not go that way. But the slight squish and plipps are almost unavoidable. I like it. That's an odd thing for me to say because most extra sounds irritate the hell out of me. You should know I'm sound sensitive. I'll leave my explanation at that because to go further is to reveal some slight insanities.

Anyway, peaches are not only delicious, but they have a lot to observe. My favorite thing is the ease with which you can break their flesh. I want more peaches.