Posted: Wednesday, April 11, 2012 5:34:22 AM
I feel dizzy with options, but restricted by my path.
Up until quite recently, I thought being a doctor was my only option. Realistically, I’ve always known it isn’t my only option, but personally I feel that is the only profession I’ll truly ever love. At this point I’m too proud to change my ways, and to admit my weaknesses to move on and away from this dream. I’m still not admitting defeat because I’m finishing these courses, dammit, and I’ll always have the option of coming back to it. But for the immediate post-grad time period, I’m delving into my love of people, for anatomy, for cultural norms and language. It’s going to be a hell of a ride, a whirlwind of academia, but I can’t wait.
Not only am I invigorated by the prospects of moving on in life - getting a post-grad degree and whatnot - but I also became rather motivated to do well the rest of this semester by taking a quick break at home for awhile. All of my friends seem to have plans for the summer that do not involve staying in our hometowns. I thought about staying in NOLA for the summer and getting a job - possibly with the school - and make the next big step to being a real person. Somehow, though, I convinced myself that everyone at home would miss me too much for me to do that. I realized while I was home, that I was the one who would be longing the most. I’m the one who would miss everyone, miss being in their lives, too much to stay away. The twist is that it’s still happening. Life still goes on without me there, and I’m just now grasping that. I’m not an integral part of my hometown, nor of my friends and family’s lives. However sad it may seem.
Sure, I’d like everything that I once knew to halt until the next time I get around to it, but that’s not how the world works. Life moves on and grows without me there. I needed its hand holding mine, but it doesn’t need me.
This past weekend I realized which friends I will stay in touch with throughout all of my life, and which ones will fall by the wayside. I’m sad, because at one point the fallen ones were my very best friends, but we’ve all grown apart - lived apart - for so long that we’ve gone through our different changes without the others and will never get on how we did in high school.
On the other hand, some of us are closer than we used to be, and that’s oddly comforting.
I’m proud to keep the company I do because nowadays it’s more special to me. We’re growing up, starting the lives we’ll keep, becoming real people. It’s comforting to have such good friends, and scary as hell at the same time to know how much has changed.
Life has its twists and turns, its ups and downs.
Who doesn’t enjoy a roller coaster?