I know how many licks it takes to get to the center of boxers, thongs, hipsters, and bikinis.

Boxers take longest.

Goin commando works, I'll settle for the butt of your jeans.

Underwear is to me as steak is to me.

I hate being clean.

I prefer to smell like s#$%.

I will retaliate.

Thong is to laundered as I am to baths.

Why'd you throw that away?

Doesn't matter, I'll eat it later.

I know you don't want me in there.

Leaving is to you as dumpster diving is to me.

Yet I'm far too refined to relieve myself outdoors.

Your Christmas gift's still behind the shelf.

I'd show you if you'd quit bathing me.

My poop is to carpet as yours is to Charmin.

I could catch that bunny and fly with birds.

Those ferocious dogs just want to play.

The wind in that tree is really a burglar.

Key is to lock as bark is to window.

You suffer from CSD

Compulsive Shoe Disorder.

If you slip them off, you'll never see one again.

Flip-flop is to you as my crap is to the yard.

I'd rather not have room mates.

Why don't you go poo outside?

Just leave your briefs.

My house is to me as yours is to me.

I know your kids better than you.

You think they'll laugh when you tell em about this, but

Princess is gonna say I lick her underwear while she's wearing it.

Retaliation is to me as revolting is to you.


(c) copyright donna maysack 2012