My daughter is a Daddy's Girl. Whether it's brushing her hair, fixing her dinner, or helping her get on the potty, the constant refrain is "No Mommy! Daddy do it!" Sometimes she tells me to go away, and it breaks my heart.
I think back to when she was an infant. I breastfed, and while I was super tired from night feedings, I loved that I was her world. I was her nourishment and her comfort. I was the center of her universe. Now, she's a super independent two year old, totally and completely in love with her Daddy. I know she loves me too, but I'm not her first choice. I long for another baby.
We've talked about expanding our family, in a very hypothetical sense. IF we have another baby, never WHEN we have another baby. Our extended family just assumes that we'll have another child. After all, we're young and fertile and we did such a good job on the first one. Even strangers, when they meet our daughter, ask "Is she your first?"
Is she our first or our only? I would love to give her a sibling - most days. I think about holding a tiny newborn in my arms, feeding it, marveling over its little feet, little hands, toothless smiles. I think about how it feels to have an itty-bitty baby fall asleep in your arms, the complete trust they have in you to protect them. I think about the first laugh, the first word, the first steps. There's nothing like it.
But, then my daughter pitches a fit because we gave her the princess bowl instead of the Dora bowl, and I wonder 'Do I really have the energy for another one?' Pregnancy is hard, even at its best. Then there's labor, not to mention pushing something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of an orange. That, combined with the months of sleepless nights, getting spit up on all the time, diapers, diapers and more diapers...it's a lot.
Whether our daughter is our first or our only, only time will tell. For now, I'll swallow my pride and let Daddy brush her hair, because I know that this is phase and someday she'll want her Mommy. Even if I have to wait until she's a mommy herself!
Check out more stories from my life at my blog, Beyond Mountains