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Assumptions and Anxieties

Joined: 6/13/2011
Posts: 2
I don’t know about anyone else who has ever been married, but I can say that after going through nearly a year of preparations for my July 23rd wedding, many, many things have frightened me. Between gaining winter weight (how will the wedding dress fit?!) and finding shoes for my poor bridesmaids… fears have dominated my mind and have made me question every decision I’ve made thus far.

However, I’m happy to report that the one thing I have never questioned is the most important decision: marrying Chris. I love him, and he loves me. Nothing can get in the way of July 23rd making us husband and wife. Not the shoes, not the extra five pounds. What does honestly worry me… well, it actually has nothing to do with the planning we’ve worked tirelessly on.

I’m worried about assumptions.

I’m worried about guests sitting through the ceremony, watching us take our vows, and then thinking silently in their heads: “Yeah, however long this will last.”

The divorce rate is SO HIGH. I’ve been to so many weddings that have ended in divorce. Now, my worry does not stem from any nerves about my relationship with my fiancé. It’s that the strength of our relationship… our love for each other… seems so diminished in today’s society where divorce… and second marriages… are common. I worry about how society views marriage in this 21st century, and whether people will sit through our ceremony and take it seriously.

My fears are about people assuming things when they have no idea about our relationship. About what we’ve experienced together over the past five years. Yes, five. Not six months or a year, like many couples. FIVE YEARS. Long distance. Only seeing each other on the weekends. We’ve been engaged for over two years now. Finally, we are able to exchange vows before God and witnesses and marry ourselves to each other for the rest of eternity. Most couples don’t have to experience so little together when they’re so in love. For Chris and I, this wedding is much more than words. What we say doesn’t even matter, really. What matters is that we can finally become one, one marriage, and begin to live our lives like we should have been able to five years ago.

So, I guess I’m worried that people won’t understand how much this day means to both of us. You’re more than just a warm body filling a seat, you know. You’re taking part in helping us start our new life together, in creating a covenant that will last forever. So don’t sit there and think that “oh, they’ll be divorced in a couple years… just wait” because we won’t. We refuse. We will not take part in such impermanence, and such thoughts about us. Stop assuming, and start enjoying love and happiness between two people who can finally be together after eons of waiting. Be happy for us, and welcome us into the world of married life.
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Comment by mcoly618

Joined: 5/2/2009
Posts: 474
Hi, my name is Megan and I am Stage of Life's PR coordinator. I just wanted to let you know that we featured your article on the Stage of Life Facebook page today. If you would like to check it, out go to

Thanks and keep up the great writing :)
Posted: Tuesday, June 14, 2011 2:30:50 PM
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Comment by tmclancy

Joined: 6/15/2011
Posts: 1
Nicely said (and great picture, too), and you can be sure that we are all supporting you. Yes, there will be family among your audience July 23 who have experienced divorce, and there will be married couples who have not! What we all have in common is our support for what you and Chris are doing! We were 15 months from first date to wedding day (age 26), which seemed reasonable at the time. But it's been the constant reminder of how our love began and the ineluctable shaving away of ego, just here, just there, now here again, and the patience that process brings that keeps us enjoying what we have built and what we are creating, even so many years later. I suppose your divorced relatives would say, well, there's life and happiness after that, too. That's a different struggle and victory. At the doorstep July 23, though, your and Chris' challenge is to let your love be free at last to completely guide your thoughts, words, and actions. It happens automatically, naturally.
Posted: Wednesday, June 15, 2011 4:06:43 AM
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